Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
