True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
