Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
