Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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