it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
