I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
