Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
no, he came in my armpit
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
