It's like God shit irony all over that family
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
