And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
