I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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