Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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