Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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