i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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