I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I look better un-naked...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize