Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
