im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
