he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
