Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
