He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
