She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
