sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
