I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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