As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He passed out mid-signature
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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