??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
