It's like God shit irony all over that family
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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