she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
