I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
