I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
