so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
