My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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