I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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