If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize