if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
