im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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