Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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