sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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