Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I've blown a few things in my day
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
