I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
