Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
