Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
