you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
sex in a hospital.. check
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize