so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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