Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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