I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
