'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
