a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
