so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
