Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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