I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
