I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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