Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
