how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
