fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
