and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
