I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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