sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
