She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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