i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
