Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize