you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
