I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I want a musical about memes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
