Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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