Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
