Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
