I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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