his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
