yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
