It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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