you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
