Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
