I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize